Girls should come with a carfax report
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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