you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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