I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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