Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i now understand why vodka
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
