I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
