I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
