the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
