would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
