Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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