I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
