So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
