Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
