Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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