I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
