Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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