what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
