Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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