Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
