Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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