if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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