Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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