best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
