im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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