o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
as a side note pls kill me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
