I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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