They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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