I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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