you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
