I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
