I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
