They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
