I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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