I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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