I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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