its not stalking. its research.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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