Jerry, you need to find god
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
