At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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