You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
