it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
