Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
