Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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