I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
