i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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