I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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