I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
