i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
