Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
