I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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