how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
