While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
