Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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