Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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