The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
