dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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