I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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