One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
