So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize