i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
