who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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