Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am one with the molecules
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
