And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
is it fun? or sober?
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