oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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