I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
