I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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