Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
