I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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