There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
