There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize