wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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