Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i came on her dog
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
