he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
