my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
