Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
